I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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