addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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