yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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