i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
