if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
