what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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