I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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