I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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