I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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