did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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