i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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