I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
