This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We don't watch enough power rangers
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
