Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
