just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
