new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
