"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i believe in u and ur pee
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
