i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
