We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
