I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
