then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
