This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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