Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
