I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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