remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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