I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
