Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
