If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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