I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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