HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize