I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
