If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize