Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize