I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
