Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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