Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
