I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
