i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
