Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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