Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize