i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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