Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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