Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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