Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
