Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
