I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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