your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize