he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
