hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
