well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
