she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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