Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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