News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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