Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
