Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
