Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
