I think i peed on brittanys purse
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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