and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
