Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
