It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
