it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
