hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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