Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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