And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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