A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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