weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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