I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
