apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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