That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
