he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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