To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
