So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
