I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
