no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize