I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
