he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
