I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
