i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
