All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
