help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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