i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
