I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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