does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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