i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I had to cum in my sink.
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