I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you š
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Heās older
Like āhas a job and pays his billsā older or āstill watches porn on DVD because he canāt figure out the Internetā older?
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