It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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