New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
