these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
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