My nipple is on Facebook.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
