Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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