Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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