i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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