So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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