My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize