he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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