Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize