we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The air taste purple.
Randomize