If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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