New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
