im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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