I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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