Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My penis needs a shock collar
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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