i love accidental penises.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
