I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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