last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
