please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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