I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
