the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dear god my vagina.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
