Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
